Sunday, June 7, 2009

Sometimes I disgust even myself...

Well, I did it again.
Sitting here numb, actually amazed at the level of depravity I've sunk to.
The hookup I narrowly avoided last night (only because of a misunderstanding on my part..I was a ll set to drive over) became available today.
I pulled up to the proposed meeting place (late, of course) and saw Louise and immediately realized that I was sent (very) old photos and that she has not aged gracefully.
This would have stopped anybody else, but not our 'hero'.
Nope, I went in and we made polite, yet suggestive conversation, she invited me home for a good old fashioned suck and screw and I took her up on it.
Keep in mind I did all of this with someone that I did not find physically attractive.
What is it? Is it just because they say yes? Is it because none of us have any self-esteem? Is it some sense of misplaced obligation? Or is it as simple as I need my fix and and one fix is as good as any other?
It's times like this that I have to wonder if I'm doomed to never have a normal, healthy relationship.
If I had any shame left, I'd be wallowing in it right now.

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