And while I'm at it....

All of you well meaning folks who try to pat me on the head and tell me it's OK and try to rationalize what I did and justify my actions...knock it off!

When Karen first found out what I'd been up to for all those months, she confronted me while I was showering for work.

She was hurt, confused, angry, betrayed and destroyed.

She responded the way that I would hope and expect someone in her position would...she hit me.

Open hand slaps across the face and shoulders, anywhere she could reach, really.

The funny part was...during all of that...I just stood there and took it, silently begging her to hit harder.

I wanted her to ball up her fists and leave bruises, draw blood, crush bone...I wanted her to absolutely destroy me..leave me in a heap on the bathroom floor like a pile of ground meat.

I wanted her, someone, anyone to dole out some punishment, make me pay, hold me accountable.

I used to laugh about how I'd 'get away with everything', usually just after doing something despicable.

I guess now I was always hoping to get caught...maybe then I'd do something about it.

Even after everything I did to her, Karen did me one last favor before I left...she punished me.

So everyone else out there who tries their best to tell me otherwise...no one and nothing can ever excuse, explain or justify anything I did.

Disease might be a great reason, but it's a piss-poor excuse.