My beef with 12-step

I didn't want to do a 12 Step Program.
I didn't have anything against it in theory...it just never seemed like it was for me.
All of that sharing and opening up...taking personal inventory and making amends..having to face all of those people you wronged and try to atone for your transgressions.
It seemed like more than I would be able to do...sitting around a circle drinking weak coffee and hoping that someone is going to share soon who has a story worse than yours so you can sleep at night knowing, "Well, at least I'm not as fucked-up as that guy."
Sitting around with guys who blow their whole paycheck at strip clubs, who can't pass by a computer terminal without cruising for porn, who compulsively answer personal ads, self-abuse themselves, serial cheaters, chronic masturbators.
People who can only get off if the risk factor is high enough, 'Sport-fuckers' and 'Thrill-seekers'.
Those who don't have the nerve to BASE jump, fuck strangers in public places.
All of that being vulnerable and honest didn't sit well with me.
Despite my habit of being 'intimate' much more often than I should have, with many more women that I should have, I have intimacy issues.
I know...you're shocked.
That's probably while I usually chose sex over intimacy in the first place. All of the fun w/none of the work. Not having to worry about the post-coital moment when there's nothing to say...not having worry about filling that silence with something, because, there wasn't anything to say...and wasn't interested in hearing it if there were.
I didn't say I didn't need something like 12-step...I just said I wasn't comfortable with it.
The final clue that I needed some kind of assistance was, when I found a group in the area, my first thought was, "Hey, wonder if it's a co-ed group?"
Sick.
I went, I shared, I read...I got my 1-day chip, put a dollar in the donation can and the whole ritual.
My problem came when I was reflecting on the meeting, later in the day.
For the uninitiated, the first three of the 12 steps require you to admit you have a problem, seek some kind of higher power to help restore you to sanity/sobriety and to turn your life and will over to God as you understand God.
Admitting a problem? Check.
Belief in something greater than myself that can help me be stable, sober and happy again? Well...not sure on that one, but I'll listen.
Turn my will and life over to God 'as I understand him'?
Hold the fucking phone.
I don't like the sound of turning my life over to anything or anyone...I kind of thought the whole point was to be self-reliant...to rise above the thing that had sapped your will and taken over your life...not to just switch the thing in control.
Add to that I'm supposed to acknolwedge this all-powerful being, creator of everything including me and my fucked-up, emotional void ridden brain and then turn around and surrender to him to fix me, when he was the one who broke me in the first place.
That's like paying the guy who totalled your car to repair it.
And, while allowing members to worship their God 'as they understand it' is a nice sentiment, but it gets thrown out the window when the meeting closes with a hand-in-hand circle and recitation of "The Lord's Prayer".
God as you understand God, as long as it's the Christian God.
Maybe it was just my well-worn cynicism, maybe I was desperate to find an excuse to not participate, but the whole experience left a bad taste in my mouth.
Add to that, the fact that God (however I understand him) and I aren't on speaking terms right now and the whole thing falls apart.
I know I'm ill...I know I need help, but there's got to be a way that's based in belief and trust of something tangible without starting off with a good helping of hypocrisy.